I thought that I knew what it felt like to not want to do something. I thought I had experienced the full blood, sweat and tears that physical transformation requires. I thought that I had the strength to stick with things that SUCK. I thought I had the heart to overcoming all things difficult. I thought. I thought. I thought.
Being healthy? I mean, I like it. The desire for it comes naturally to me. Heavens, I get giddy buying produce! Even if I don’t feel like working out, I make myself do it. And let’s be totally honest, here. Losing the weight wasn’t so intensely painful for me because I mostly enjoyed the journey of exercising anyways. Yes, it pushed me. Yes, it wasn’t always easy, but deep down, I wanted it all the same.
Put a salad or anything uber healthy in front of me and I rejoice and dig in like its Thanksgiving! My husband? That’s a different story. He fakes a smile, chews slowly and does his best to get through it! It just ISN’T easy for him to eat healthy. It is mental work ALL THE TIME. He wants to be healthy but doesn’t at the same time. I thought I knew what that meant.
I didn’t. At all. But now I do thanks to Diastasis Recti rehab.
My splint that I wear? It is SO annoying. I feel it every second of the day. I never forget that I am wearing it; it itches, it makes my belly bulge at the bottom and it looks all bumpy under my clothes. The exercises I have to do are so very tedious. Three times a day I sit in a chair and do over 200 contracting and holding movements with only my transverse muscle. And that is only the beginning. Towards the end of my rehab, I will be doing over 2,000 contracting pulses A DAY, 600-700 three times every day. And just sitting there moving one muscle? Make my multi-tasking brain FRY! The first couple days, I could barely get though my exercises without feeling like I wanted to explode. Plus it’s like this never ending cycle. I do the exercises when I get up, then do more things that try me mentally like take care of my girls and do chores around the house and BOOM. It’s time AGAIN to do rehab. I don’t feel I am getting a mental break in between. It’s like having a newborn need to feed every hour or two. Where is my me time where I don’t have to be doing something??
As a Beachbody coach, I have been mentoring others on their fitness and health journey, helping motivate them to overcome mental obstacles when they are low. And while so far, I have loved them and given my best advice, I don’t think anything could train me to coach others through a difficult physical journey as well as this is going to.
NOW I know what it means to have to wait very very patiently to see any sort of result or proof of progress. I mean this is going to take months! I know what it’s like to wonder if all this work I hate to do every day is even helping. I have already considered just giving up and living with this so I don’t have to bear the annoyance of rehab. I have second guessed my body’s ability to overcome this. I have been dreading my exercises. Even though I want my diastasis to be closed, I don’t really want to do the work to get there. Is it really worth it?
This is definitely a different mental battle than I have faced with working out. Sticking with this and closing this gap is definitely going to be up there with my trophy accomplishments of giving birth unmedicated, running a marathon and finishing Insanity.
This is a declaration to all those who deeply struggle with something mentally- whether it is trying to eat healthy, work out, lose weight or overcome an addiction. I am just here to say, “I get it.”
I was honestly surprised at my negativity towards my recovery. I DID NOT expect it to be so hard or to dislike the process so much. What the crap? I am tough! I push through hard, right? Yeah, I guess until it’s REALLY hard. I was ashamed that when something truly tried me to the core, I felt no fight in me and wanted to give up. Many of my friends have been so confident in me and encouraging. Words such as,
“You’re right though, you CAN do anything. You’re one of the strongest people I know. My prayers are with you.”
“Still so impressed by you, always and forever:)”
“You are an inspiration heart emoticon you can do anything. Let your body heal and don’t give up xo”
“Oh Blissy, you are such a fierce competitor to your challenges. I’m so proud of you for being such a force to be reckoned with. You are and always will be an incredible inspiration to many!!!”
“Seriously, you worked so hard to get these incredible results and I have no doubt, even with this setback you will do it again wink emoticon You have such great determination and are my motivation to go running even when I don’t feel like it!”
“What inspired me most about you doing Beachbody was the mental strength that you showed. I love reading post where you admit it wasn’t easy, but you still pushed yourself. I’ve been working on having that kind of drive. I know this is a setback from your regular workout, but try not to let it be a mental setback. You are truly amazing, and an inspiration to me.”
“But if anyone can handle it… It’s you! You got this! You never cease to amaze me. Xoxox”
These words were humbling, as I didn’t have the confidence in myself that they did. Nor did I feel I lived up or wanted to live up to those words in the moment. But I am so grateful for their faith in me. Faith in people and faith in God go a long way and I am holding onto both, very tight.
I am very happy to say that my journey is getting a little better! I am one week into my rehab, WOO! I know I can do this. My husband reminded me that I am still me. Even though I am not able to do the workouts I have always done. I can still DO what I have always done- which is push through hard times and never give up.